12 days of solitude

Last day as a (fulltime) farm girl

was good but glad its over





special thanks to Liz, Clare, Adella, Molly, Hunter, and My Home Group for keeping me sane-ish

I'll (still) (probably) let you down

I'm allowed to make mistakes.
I'm allowed to fuck up.
I'm allowed to be a mess
and mean
and have people not forgive me

i'm allowed to loose contact
i'm allowed to wallow within myself and wonder why no one sees me for who I really am- absolutely great!!!!
I'm allowed to portray myself however I want and be something completely different.
I'm allowed to write off my defects as personality types, traits, disorders, traumas.







but then I would be stuck in a state of callow immaturity.
and most likely


alone.




Song: Brainy by The National
followed by
Paper Ships by Dead Man's Bones

it gets worse

more days pass as a farmer girl.
Clare joined in.she's my best friend.

Inked

These are the most beautiful tattoos I've seen. Makes me want to get

inked

So you think you want to be a farmer

you don't.

It is Tuesday. I have been Farm-sitting since Thursday, and this is the first time i've sat down.
No. Really.
And, I feel guilty because I have two things I need to get done today. they will take all day. and I know I need to just go do them.

But this hour I am giving myself to sit on the porch and drink too-strong coffee I made and look and listen with Poppygirl and this one hummingbird and Brian Lee and His Orchestra and feel the air and smell the air, is absolute and beautiful and not found outside of the countryside.

so maybe you do.