Love is a powerful word

-Earl Harris, age 8, Washington

What would you tell our First Lady?

melissa redd : ?

I am different.
than
I used to be.

and I am grateful for the change.

Now is the time that I get to decide who it is that I want to be. I get to decide my interests and knowledge to carry. I can be me, whoever that is.
Most likely, I will change many more times in my life; interests and looks and location and dreams.

but i hope i'm still doing this same sort of crap until i'm old and gray.




people I love at a place I love.



driving back home, almost there.

thom yorke: ?

i cannot figure out if i should take this seriously or not. is thom yorke taking himself serious, does he think this video enhances his cool factor?



or here

nope, i think thom knows he looks quite silly, and that he has no idea what to do in front of that camera.








we're all just people.

बी माय सेल्फ

here's the thing. this post was going to be about doing things alone.
I was going to talk about my experience going to a Dr.Dog concert in D.C. with no one to accompany me and I was going to post this video.

but I need to write about India. and what that actually means is that I need to write about lost dreams. Do you know what I mean? Do you know about lost dreams?

Do you know about being young, or being old and wanting
to be and to have and to run and to jumping?
Oh GOD! open your old journal, your eyes and your brain
because let me remind you that today aint the same
as the dream you invented and watched play out on the ceiling
while your pencil scratched, and eyes began leaking.
I'm not talking about the fireman, ballerina, or rock star

I'm talking about that thing you wanted to do one time that no one thought you could.
and you didnt.....


I'm talking about India, folks.


There was a time in my life where I thought about India all day long. and I imagined myself washing clothes, and cleaning sores, and feeding old men with cinnamon skin and white beards some chana masala, or vegetable soup, or pile of rice, or whatever. Laughing with the Sisters in their white and blue saris. reading books, and exploring Calcutta, and moving to the country and living alone in my house with a garden and a cow named Meghdoot. and I screamed in the softest tones at my mother who told me it just "Might Not Be in the Works." because how could she say that? I could feel India in my heart beat. Lub-dub.

but I didn't go.
because it just wasn't in the works.
This was all over 2 years ago. But lately I've been reminded of India.

1.) I watched a movie called Sita Sings the Blues

2.) I ate at Taste of India the other night for dinner (yummmmy) then threw it all up at 3am (grossss)
3.) I received a postcard from a friend who reminded me of this lost dream. the front had a picture of the Taj Mahal. the postage was a Mother Teresa stamp. woah.
4.) everytime I go to type my title into this bloggything, it translates my words into HINDI>>????? why? weird?!!


Will I ever go to India? Probably not.
I'm content where I am. There are so many people to love here. and there is so much to learn here. Why would I leave just to feel some sort of idealized, romanticized adventure?

... because sometimes i still feel my heartbeat go. Lub-dub...

पिएता

Have you ever seen Michelangelo's Pietà?
Most likely the answer is yes.

I, however, had not. I was sitting in my GARTH class, eyes glazed over as we went through Leonardo's sketches and inventions and last supper and his Mona, all about Pope Julius II and all the extravagance he added to Rome, Michelangelo's David, etc. I find art history very interesting in itself, but my mind is prone to wander even when I really would rather it wouldn't.
Anyway my professor flashes Pietà on one of the screens and starts talking about Michelangelo's work not really being quite as developed yet. On the other screen is a detailed image of the sculpture- one staring directly into Christ's face.
I can't really say what exactly it was, but I just start crying. My throat tightens, and I'm not listening anymore, and the tears just sort of roll out of my eyes.
Am I a dramatic person? ...I've been told this before, so maybe yes. But I really didn't want to be crying. I just was, silently. Nobody else was crying and nobody else noticed I was.
I can't even really say what exactly it was, but it was something like-
there was too much beauty in that delicate moment caught in painstaking, hard, and less-than-malleable marble stone. It was the eternal-youth in Mary's face as she held her son's aged, frail, wiry body with so much maternal care- it brought to my attention their dynamic relationship: Mary the mother, Jesus her son- yet also her Father. Also, the peace on Christ's face, his complete acceptance of his death for what? For me to sit in an Art History class? So maybe that's it. I wasn't crying for him, I was crying for me- for my complete lack of urgent responsiveness to his great gift to the World...

for what it's worth.
Here it is:

Today

This is my face:

This is the side of my face:

(And that is my tiny, messy, sometimes impractical-to-actually-cook-in kitchen)
This is what I did today:
Made and baked bread for 5 hours with Daniel Broomba-kini... really, so great.
This is what I'm doing right now:
Cleaning my whole house.
Here's why:

Clare Shanley is coming tomorrow (with boyfriend in tow)
This is what we're doing:
Dancing to Indian music, using our fingers,hands,shoulders. Dingadinga
These are 5 things I love about Clare:
-She is so knowledgeable! about history, politics, movies/books/music, saints, life (as in, "Today is June 3, so it's the feast day of the Martyrs of Uganda, you know like the ones Damian talks to in Danny Boyle's Millions)
-She is so fun! because she is the right mix of spontaneous and lazy (as in "let's go drive around in this lightening storm and eat oreos")
-She is so inspirational! because she's shaped her life to return to those waiting for her in Lesotho/Africa/et al
-She is so practical! she is the voice of reason in my messy life/brain (as in, Melissa- don't drop out of college...)
-She is so good friend! (<--??) because she calls, and cares, and laughs-til-ya-can't-breathe (she brings me groceries!!! when she comes to visit, are you serious! great.)
These are things to be excited about:
Dr. Dog and Yann Tiersen. Jan 28th and Feb 15th.
All Around Good Vibes.
It will be warmer in 2 and 1/2 more months.
Accordions

Onward, or better yet...

Sometimes, everything is different from the way you thought it would be.
Hallelujah! Because don't ya know when you look over your shoulder, without fail, you are so grateful. Why can't we seem to remember this every.time.it.happens?

Hallelujah! for unanswered prayers
Hallelujah! for unexpected bends in expected straight roads
Hallelujah! to the One who knows so much more than I

Right now I am looking over my shoulder, grateful that my life took a sudden turn away from where it was speeding towards. Simultaneously, I'm looking head on at a new bend that terrifies me, that changes everything and leaves me (what feels like) empty-handed.

Hallelujah! to the day that I see why.

Facts:
I am nobody's wife. Praises!
I am not a nurse. or maybe I am, just differently than I previously thought.
Onward! or better yet...
Present! for I've learned the vast importance of living this day, this moment.

On another note: I made sweet potato casserole one hour before class started. Result: interesting, half-baked casserole with brown sugar-crumble topping oddly mixed in with orange potato goodness. Feelings: Not too bad.


What was a bend in your road that now makes you want to say, Hallelujah! ?