Confession:

I may or may not be enthralled by

tiny houses

also this is maybe my favorite

Wednesday Nights

Maggots in the Microwave
Ants in the Honey
Fire in the Oven

Alice and Melissa in the Backyard
in the Baby Pool
Fully Clothed








"So, This is Life Apparently"

PFGCT

biking
friends
food/feasts/dumpsters/gardens
miles
Virginia
5am
Music
Sweat
Smiles
Prayers
Christian Anarchists
Catholic Workers
Post Petroleum Farms
Hippy Communes
Crunchy Punk Anarchists
Kitty Litter
Mountains
Hospitality
Provision
innertubes
naps
raps
ghost stories
jokes
hallelujah
friends
biking

6 days

12 days of solitude

Last day as a (fulltime) farm girl

was good but glad its over





special thanks to Liz, Clare, Adella, Molly, Hunter, and My Home Group for keeping me sane-ish

I'll (still) (probably) let you down

I'm allowed to make mistakes.
I'm allowed to fuck up.
I'm allowed to be a mess
and mean
and have people not forgive me

i'm allowed to loose contact
i'm allowed to wallow within myself and wonder why no one sees me for who I really am- absolutely great!!!!
I'm allowed to portray myself however I want and be something completely different.
I'm allowed to write off my defects as personality types, traits, disorders, traumas.







but then I would be stuck in a state of callow immaturity.
and most likely


alone.




Song: Brainy by The National
followed by
Paper Ships by Dead Man's Bones

it gets worse

more days pass as a farmer girl.
Clare joined in.she's my best friend.

Inked

These are the most beautiful tattoos I've seen. Makes me want to get

inked

So you think you want to be a farmer

you don't.

It is Tuesday. I have been Farm-sitting since Thursday, and this is the first time i've sat down.
No. Really.
And, I feel guilty because I have two things I need to get done today. they will take all day. and I know I need to just go do them.

But this hour I am giving myself to sit on the porch and drink too-strong coffee I made and look and listen with Poppygirl and this one hummingbird and Brian Lee and His Orchestra and feel the air and smell the air, is absolute and beautiful and not found outside of the countryside.

so maybe you do.

languages and songs

this is what i've been thinking about lately:

some people speak the same language as you.
and
some people sing the same song as you.

but most,
do neither.


and,
when you find someone that does both,
that is nothing short of a miracle. and. be in their life as long as you can.


Who speaks your language?
who sings your song?
who does both?
do you even know what i mean?

remember when

things were different and it was only last year?

Today

I was 3 hours late to work.







I just needed to let that out.

forget good will hunting

The Philosopher Kings





is a beautiful documentary.
If i made films, this is what they would maybe be like.


we're all just people.

Traipsing

School is over.

The celebration:

Went stomping around the dirtiest part of town with my friend, Liz and her new roommate for the summer, Ben. Until 4 in the mornin'.
When we made it home, wet and muddy and smelly. It seemed there was only one thing to do-
build a giant living-room fort and fall asleep.
So {Fort Lost Hope: Ultimate} was born.

One of the most fun things I have done all year.

Other things that make the list:
- Biking to New Market
- Hiking Alone on Ice
- Baking Bread with Daniel Broomba-kini
- Starting Farm Work
- Visiting Molly in Ithaca, twice
- Seeing Hadestown, Jonsi, Dr. Dog, Soil and the Sun, Yann Tierson...
- Meeting Adella, Alice, Abigail, Billy, Lani, Jake, Hunter, EARTH Clubbers, Liz, Nick, Rachel-Sarah, Jenna, My whole homegroup and everyone at OCP ever
- Every single time Clare came to visit
- Driving to VA Beach with Nikki to pick up my new bike
- Meeting Seth Martin and Jon Roberts//Philly
- Every single Sunset H'burg has to offer
- woo!

(P.s. my friend did a fun post about me)

Current Events: Osama

- Lars Justinen, 2007

Raw

This past weekend I saw the movie Blue Valentine. ugh. I mean, it was good. Anything that produces a strong reaction after viewing, has to be good. But I had to go to my friends house to pick up some camping gear. I screamed very, very loudly in my car on the way there. I cried on her living room floor very hard. and screamed some more. I was just angry. ugh. Watch this movie if you really feel you have to, if you don't feel that strongly- save yourself the torment.
Why was I screaming? Why was I crying? Something about everything being dumb and hopeless...Something about love being an emotion and not a commitment... I can't even really say.

I needed the camping gear, though, because I spent the night at my place of work this weekend, and while I have a tent and sleeping bag, I needed a tarp and something squishy to sleep on. I work about an hour from where I live on a family farm, doing farm stuff, keeping some hogs, chickens, and turkeys happy and healthy. This sounds like sunshine, doesn't it? It is. But, it is also exhausting. My sleeping bag wasn't warm enough so by the time 5am rolled around again, getting up to start the day felt like Goliath... and I had misplaced by slingshot. Somehow I managed, but not before I ran over the waterhose with the riding mower (this thing is a rusted beast from like the I don't even know. This is how to control the speed
yea, that is a turtle icon for slow and a hare icon for fast...)

Now, it is exam week. I am studying art history like a feign.
These are my two favorite paintings that I have to know:
1.) The Little Street by Vemeer in 1657. Dutch Baroque


2.) The Death of Marat by David in 1793. French Neoclassicism


I really feel mesmerized by both of these. They are both so beautiful and intimate.


Also, I have decided that I am going to learn how to play the drums. I'm going to just learn. Soon. Maybe in a year, I can join a really poopy band, and have some fun.


what instrument would you love to have instant knowledge of? (p.s. have you heard of the kora?)

ASATP

I just saw a professor in slacks and jacket and black leather shoes with groomed facial hair and a furrowed brow with a manila envelope tucked under one arm about the age of 46

riding a




through campus.
He kicked his leg so forcefully, he glided so smoothly

St.Clare of Yorktown

A conversation with Clare:

Clare: I think I'm going to hike Mount Everest
Me: Have you been reading Into Thin Air?
Clare: No, I just watched this tv show on it, and I think I can do it.
Me: Clare... Mount Everest is... like... known to be the hardest hike in the world.
Clare: No, it's the tallest mountain in the world, but I don't think it's the hardest. I mean in this show these people weren't even that intense, they just had $40,000. I think later in life I might have $40,000 to hike Mount Everest.
Me: Yea, I mean, I guess you could totally hike Mount Everest.
Clare: Yea. I'll be up there and say, "This is like cross-country skiing....except easier!"
Me: or, "This is just like that time on the treadmill at the gym... except easier!"
Clare: or, "This is just like that time I went to go get the mail... except easier!"
Me: or, "This is just like that time I read that one book about love and loss...except easier!"


So. If you know any good Sherpas, please inform myself and I will pass the information along to Clare

What a weekend

This weekend I dropped everything and drove to see my friend Molly in Ithaca.

I have been close friends with Molly for 7 years now.
(7 is actually kind of an inside-joke for us.
Maybe this year will be kind of an inside-joke for us.)

What does Molly mean to me?
-She is the teacher of pretty things in my life. The words Aesthetically Pleasing can sum up everything I've learned from her. For example, this typewriter, which she owns, is extremely aesthetically pleasing.
-She is the dreamer of dreams. Molly has a beautiful imagination. She has a whole estate full of beautiful dreams. Known as the "L-house", which is so much more than a house, or place, but is really a concept and a hope and feeling that lives somewhere between her sternum and 2 scapulas.
-She is a great planner and gift-giver. My two favorite gifts from Molly were a Polaroid camera(a few years before Polaroid film was discontinued)and this book, a companion to The Secret Language of Birthdays. (Birthdays are also kind of an inside joke for us as is the book)



[as you can see, the Polaroids are a primary source in the decoration of my room]

So I went to Ithaca. Because a man named Jon needed a ride to Philly. And I wanted to give it to him. I met Jon because he was playing with Seth Martin as a Mender.
It was a really nice drive with interesting conversation, burritos, and beautiful hospitality via CircleofHope community members in Kensington, Philadelphia. and a stop at this coffeehouse called Leotah's Place.

I really enjoy Ithaca, the view of the mountains and lake Cayuga. And I really enjoy Molly and all her friends. The visit was short, but the time was sweet.

I made it back to Harrisonburg in time for MACRoCK, to see Brooke Waggoner and Timbre

I went to bed around 2am and woke up in the morning to drive to see my sister in Richmond. She and her boyfriend Karl were in town from Chicago where they live. We met my mom and stepdad, Steve, here to have a nice and good dinner.

Driving back Home, I stopped in Charlottesville to visit my new friend, Hunter and drink some rooibos.

It was a full weekend that confirmed the fact that I don't ever get sick of people. I am inherently social. Yet still consider myself to be more introverted at my core.

What are you? An intro or extro?

Love is a powerful word

-Earl Harris, age 8, Washington

What would you tell our First Lady?

melissa redd : ?

I am different.
than
I used to be.

and I am grateful for the change.

Now is the time that I get to decide who it is that I want to be. I get to decide my interests and knowledge to carry. I can be me, whoever that is.
Most likely, I will change many more times in my life; interests and looks and location and dreams.

but i hope i'm still doing this same sort of crap until i'm old and gray.




people I love at a place I love.



driving back home, almost there.